A poem of my own

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Shattered

Not merely broken;

SHATTERED.

Into so many pieces

I am not sure they can ever

Be whole again.

Like Humpty Dumpty.

Rumi said

“The wound is the place

where the light enters you.”

I am so wounded that I should be

Made of light

But I am merely made of

Atoms

None of whom even know I exist.

© March 17, 2015, Jennifer Medina

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The Ghost:

I can so relate to this poem…written by a friend of mine!

The Compassionate Narcissist

Dragon

The Ghost:

I am living to the fullest

I am thriving to the best of my ability

I am working to the highest of my integrity

I am being to the best of my understanding

Today my wings are broken

Today my heart is leaking

Today my thoughts are shattered

Today my smile is sad

My thoughts whisper to my heart

With all that sadness

With all of the past that needs to be remembered

All of that history that needs no reminder

Today, I am the groundskeeper

Today, my thoughts conquer the universe

Today, my love breaks all hatred

Today, my willingness to live beats every setback

Today, my integrity overcomes any desires

Today, I am the lion; king of my castle 

Today, at this time, I am the whisper of the millions of sorrows I shattered

I live for myself, I love all, I hate no one

Today…

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To blog, or not to blog; that is the question

I have had this blog for a number of years now, but I’ve never really posted with the exception of a few posts for a communication class I took once. The problem with blogging is that it is not private; do I really want to unpack my life in a public forum, for all to read? The answer is, well, kinda. So I’ve decided to give blogging a whirl, because one of my goals is to learn to be more open; not only to let others in, but also to let myself out.

I have some pretty fierce social anxiety along with difficulties expressing myself vocally, but I do write. I have always written, especially when I’m feeling introspective or something is bothering me. Blogging seems like a decent compromise between my private writing and my desire to become more open; an intermediate step of sorts. It will allow me to share of myself in a way that I can currently handle. Maybe, if I can bridge that gap, then I can begin to overcome my fear of self-expression and my fear of really, truly being seen. My real life near-invisibility is a comfortable place, a safe place…but it can be a lonely one at times, because somewhere along the way, I have mostly forgotten how to connect with people.

I have no illusions that anything I put on the internet can be kept totally separate from my real life, so I’m not even going to try. I am going to write about my experiences and perceptions from my perspective. I probably won’t post regularly, as blogging has to happen around my crazy-busy life.